tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post674887487403379046..comments2023-05-13T03:50:42.871-06:00Comments on Kathryn Elizabeth Jones: My parents hate my boyfriend.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-79810656412965241092014-04-30T13:05:50.060-06:002014-04-30T13:05:50.060-06:00Thanks alot!Thanks alot!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-52697273986409127742014-04-30T09:15:18.423-06:002014-04-30T09:15:18.423-06:00Anonymous,You can't force your mom or your gra...Anonymous,<br><br>You can't force your mom or your grandmother to get to know him. He may be awesome, but they have their agency as do you. Sounds like you need to make a decision. After looking at all of the pro's and con's, what do you want? If, as you say, there is no interest in getting to know your boyfriend, there's not an awful lot you can do except make a firm decision. Break up with him and have the support of your loved ones. Stay with him and do it without them. I wish you luck.<br>Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-91813604841430398812014-04-29T20:06:10.711-06:002014-04-29T20:06:10.711-06:00The problem is that my mom and my grandmother don&...The problem is that my mom and my grandmother don't even try to get to know him.. he is an awsome guy and he has done so much for me that I wouldn't want to let him go.. we have been through alot.. what should I do should I just leave the relationship or should I try to keep are relationship the way ot was? /:Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-63507573258806982102014-04-29T10:44:57.758-06:002014-04-29T10:44:57.758-06:00So you have been with your boyfriend since you wer...So you have been with your boyfriend since you were 14 and he was 17. I hate to break it to you, but you were young then and you are still pretty young now. Even at 16, (the age I actually allowed my daughters to date) you think you know more than you do. Now, don't get me wrong. When you say you love him, I believe you, but trust me when I say that you're still maturing, as is he. The best advice I can give you is to trust your mom. Trust that she knows something you just might not yet. This doesn't mean you are stupid, just that you haven't experienced as much of life as she has. She has the right to hate your boyfriend, and you can do wonders in curbing the hate by listening to your mother. Why not spend some time at dinner with your mother, grandmother and boyfriend? Why not invite him to dinner? Why not initiate a game night for the three of you? In order to be trustworthy you must prove that you can be trusted.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-88346397547711995182014-04-29T07:58:13.657-06:002014-04-29T07:58:13.657-06:00Hi, i have a big problem I'm 16 and i have bee...Hi, i have a big problem I'm 16 and i have been with my boyfriend who is 19 for almost 2 years already.. My problem is that my nom doesn't trust me to go out with him alone at all i don't understand why because whenever she needs a favor she doesn't care if i go do it with him alone.. Yesterday me and my bf got in a argument because i told him we couldn't arrive together to my grandma house because she is always thinking bad so i called him a few names which got him really mad.. when he arrived to my grandma house we started fighting and he called my mom to ask her why was it that she hated him.. she said she didn't that i was not telling him the truth.. then he got so mad that he toldher about me sneaking out of the house once ewith friends to go to the beach.. after they hanged up she called my grandma to get me on the phone and she was telling me to brake up with him that he is a peace of s* and abunch of other things.. and ofcourse i had to tell her that me sneaking out of the house was his lies.. she has always hated him and i don't knoe what to do i even had to tell him that i never loved him to leave my life for ever and he just left saying that he would give his life for me and with a tear in his eye.. i love him and everytime we fight he is the one who fixes things even though it was my fault.. what should i do??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-85284578929125985672014-04-16T08:45:13.369-06:002014-04-16T08:45:13.369-06:00You really can't force any issue. Sorry. What ...You really can't force any issue. Sorry. What you can do is explain your intentions in having them meet, perhaps have an intermediary person there to ward off conflict (someone who isn't emotional connected to the situation), and then be as calm as you can yourself during the meeting. Your positive attitude will say volumes. If they still get angry, that is, after all, their choice. I wish you the best.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-37975490672734053252014-04-15T15:54:21.667-06:002014-04-15T15:54:21.667-06:00Hi, thanks for replying so fast. The biggest worry...Hi, thanks for replying so fast. The biggest worry I have is that they're too far gone in their assumptions that after meeting him they'll use their new knowledge to make more reasons to hate him. He dresses casual? Only crooks do that. He dresses fancy? He's faking it. Somewhere in the middle? He's lazy. Etc. And they only hate him because of his race. I fear they wont go back from that. How can I have them meet him without conflict?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-17219195239543144542014-04-15T11:31:04.030-06:002014-04-15T11:31:04.030-06:00Dear In a Corner,The first thing that strikes me a...Dear In a Corner,<br><br>The first thing that strikes me about your letter is that although you appear upset about your parents decisions, you still love them and "want all the people (you) love to get along."<br><br>That being said I was struck by your mention that your parents were "VERY VERY paranoid," and that they "base(d) all their concerns on fears from their own past experiences."<br><br>How can a person not base their fears and concerns on past experiences or something they have learned about through their lives? You call them paranoid? Perhaps they are "careful" because of their fears and past experiences. <br><br>This is a gift. A gift. <br><br>If we don't look to the past to see how to change the future, we'll keep doing the same things we have always done; in a nutshell, we'll get what we've always gotten.<br><br>I know you want to stay with your boyfriend, but sometimes you can't have it both ways. I wouldn't continue to hide him; (see my previous answer on this blog) but neither would I expect that you can make everyone happy all of the time.<br><br>It's just not being realistic.<br><br>I'll say it again. You must make your choice. If you are over 18, then you must choose between the boyfriend or your parents. If, after you've introduced him, and if your parents still take issue against him, you must make the final decision, but keep in mind that they have had experiences that you haven't. And this is something that should never be taken lightly. <br><br>I wish you luck.<br>Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-29979177339905167152014-04-14T23:39:01.847-06:002014-04-14T23:39:01.847-06:00(cont. Sorry this is so long!)) They haven't d...(cont. Sorry this is so long!)) They haven't done everything right but they're still my parents and I wish they wouldn't be so volatile toward the person i chose. They have no respect for my choice and think they should dictate who is right for me! I know its my choice but making a choice that doesn't agree with my parents hurts. I want all the people i love to get along. I'm afraid to even have them meet because of the threats that have been made. I can't reason with them. At this point i would like to move out. I dont want to live in fear just because they want to. I love my boyfriend and I can see us together for a long time. But my parents just wont believe me or see my side or admit that any love other than theirs might be valid. I can't stand how they are treating me and I don't see an end to it. They will try to wear me down until I hate him like they do. They will try to drill their opinions into my mind until I believe them. Though I could never hate him, Naturally my mind is beginning to associate him with rebelling against my parents and their unjustified upset. He makes me so happy and I wish my parents could see that. I want to be happy with him, and I want them to meet him and like him but they've already dehumanized him and they never go back from that, I've seen it happen before. Once they dehumanize, they never rehumanize. They hate admitting they're wrong, they're very difficult people to work with and I fear they will never accept my relationship and this could end with me moving away and becoming estranged from them to preserve my relationship. I really don't know what to do. He's made my dreams come true. I don't want to leave him. But I want to keep the peace with my parents too. Please help me.<br><br>-in a cornerAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-75259243464867917332014-04-14T23:38:09.209-06:002014-04-14T23:38:09.209-06:00(cont.) They have yelled at me, tried to intimidat...(cont.) They have yelled at me, tried to intimidate me, accused him of being scum, a drug dealer, a drug user, a rapist, an abuser, and wimp because he hasn't gone on a 3 hour bus commute to see me, a womanizer, and basically an all-around crook. There is no talking to them about this. Everything I say gets twisted into something they can use against him or me.. If I said he likes the color blue, they would say meth is blue and thus he likes meth. That's not even a joke. They have tried as hard as they can to make me hate him, to tell me he doesn't deserve me and I'm letting myself be "had" by a "spic" and he's dirt that will never amount to anything, that he doesn't really care about me and I'm naive to think he does. They even tried to convince me I only like him because his mom gives me rides sometimes! They've threatened to hurt him and call authorities on him, they've told me I better move out with my attitude, they've continually told me I better not have sex with him and basically male parts are the devil and all men want is to F me. I have been very cooperative. I never snuck around, obeyed their wishes that I hang out outside of his house, told them whenever we went out, called when I got there, called in the middle, called when we were leaving. I thought this would earn me trust. Until recently they seemed to be fine with us, they only asked the occasional question like "he's not all over you in public is he " etc. I was fine with that, I was mature and understanding and answered truthfully. I was so glad they were respecting my decision and letting me be happy with the man I love. But now I think they're realizing things are getting more serious, and its coming out that they were hoping I'd grow out of him and it wouldn't last. It didn't help that on the same night they Rampaged about him our very rude Hispanic neighbors had been playing obnoxious music very loud all day long and it was driving them nuts. <br>They have never even met him. He is ok with meeting them but they say they're not ready to. So how can they keep saying he's a crook because they don't know him, while saying they're not ready to meet him? There has been a lot of yelling and I feel like this is just the beginning. They wont let up. They've created a monster in their minds, and at this point even if they meet him they wont back down, they'll just twist their new knowledge to fit the imaginary monster. <br>They say they dont want me hurt, but the only ones hurting me are them. They accuse me of hating them and if I try to defend my partner they say "look what he's doing to us he's making our daughter betray us". They are a biracial couple! They dare to complain about racism against them while using racism and their bad luck with Hispanics as the only basis for their made up reasons to hate my man. I don't want to choose to hate either them or my boyfriend! I love him and despite their shortcomings I love them too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-91197168179466706072014-04-14T23:31:55.460-06:002014-04-14T23:31:55.460-06:00Dear Mom, I'm 19 and I met a wonderful man at ...Dear Mom, <br>I'm 19 and I met a wonderful man at work, "H" (he is 20) who I have been dating nearly 6 months. We hit it off on the very first day we met and were talking nonstop for over 8 hours. I have an incredible amount of chemistry with him. We can carry on a conversation about pretty much anything, we make each other laugh, he's VERY sweet and kind to me, he respects me, treats me like a princess, he is attractive, and we share many interests, opinions, ideas, and thoughts. I can count the things we disagree on on one hand and they're all silly things like yay or nay about iced coffee; when one of these things comes up it turns into playful conflict which only brings us closer. Maybe it sounds odd to say all this after only 6 months, but all the times we've spent together have been full days and we text for hours when we can't see each other. He lives about 36 miles away and neither of us can drive, plus he has a fulltime job and is working toward paying for college and I'm an on-call temp at that same job and going to college part time. Thus usually we see each other either at work or on Saturdays, when we go on dates, but our best times are together. I love him and he loves me. I'm so, so happy with him. <br>But here comes the problem. My parents hate his guts. Keep in mind they've never met him. All they know about him is how he looks and that I like him. They've always been VERY VERY paranoid, specifically about people. They barely trust anyone and base all their concerns on fears from their own past experiences. They've had a LOT of bad experiences including rape and physical fights, with Hispanics and my boyfriend is part Hispanic. However he is NOTHING like the Hispanics they met. I know Hispanics have a bit of a reputation for being bad news, but he's the opposite of the Hispanics that cause that reputation. They have decided, without even knowing him, that because he is part Hispanic and they don't know him, he is evil.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-83472458563054901982014-04-14T09:33:58.635-06:002014-04-14T09:33:58.635-06:00You're never too late to make things right. So...You're never too late to make things right. So, you hid behind a lie for five years, now start again. Begin today. Show your mom that you're willing to make things right. She might show some initial hesitation, but if I were your mom, I would be glad that you were taking the initiative. Secret lives rarely work and being more open with your mom may actually curb any future arguments.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-6321403750160046042014-04-14T02:11:55.136-06:002014-04-14T02:11:55.136-06:00Dear mom, I have a boyfriend. We've been toget...Dear mom, <br><br>I have a boyfriend. We've been together for almost five years, and I'm hoping it'll be for longer. We're very happy together. Yes, we do fight, we have arguments, but we are always able to patch things up. <br><br>However, my mother didn't know about this, until very recently (last night, as a matter of fact). It just came to a point where my mother asked whether I had a boyfriend, and I couldn't lie anymore, so I had to admit to it. She got really angry at me (and I understand why. It's my fault after all). She's told me not to expect her to be nice to him or his family, that he'd be no good, since he allowed for such a relationship, that I'm being stupid, that I was the one causing all the animosity between her and my bf and between her and me. I know all of this is true, and I regret it. I've been kicking myself in the head for even letting things go this far.<br><br>I was planning to introduce her to him some time, and I was just mustering enough courage to do so. I know I shouldn't give any excuses for this behavior, but I was scared to introduce her to him because he's not finished with schooling yet (he's almost 25 and I'm 24), and I was very much afraid that she'd alienate him or mock him (I suppose this WILL happen now, because of what I did), but I really do want to introduce him. Sneaking around is not a very nice way of dealing with things (and I know I've been unfair to everybody). How should I introduce him to my mother? Or is that no longer a good idea? I would be very happy to read your opinion on this as a mother.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-25666461362186915612014-04-07T09:15:37.107-06:002014-04-07T09:15:37.107-06:00Sometimes, we can't have the "best of bot...Sometimes, we can't have the "best of both worlds" as you put it but must make the best decision for us. I have said this over and over again in this post; once you are over 18, and your parents have no real say in your decisions anymore, it really is up to you to decide what you want. If talking to them won't work because "they've made up their minds" then what you have left is your decision. Consider your child in this situation. What is best for her? Is it to have a father or grandparents? They say they'll still see their granddaughter if you choose him, but be prepared for endless stress as you try to balance your man and those who raised you. If you were my daughter, I would love you either way. If I did not approve of the boyfriend you would know it, but I would never want you out of my life because I did not agree with your choice. I wish you luck.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-1791306695420699042014-04-06T18:21:56.151-06:002014-04-06T18:21:56.151-06:00Dear momI don't know what to do with my situat...Dear mom<br><br>I don't know what to do with my situation. I'm 24, living in my own house with my 4 year old daughter and now currently dating a 28 year old guy iv had few past flings with. Back then it was never anything serious. It was what it was. It's been like this for about 4 years and we've both been in relationships when we weren't together but we always end up back together. He's quite the player and a natural charmer. A lot of people know this. I know this and we know practically everything about each other. This time round it feels very different and he's said he would actually like a proper relationship with me which I'm more than happy about. We've been on dates and it's lovely. However iv kept all this as a secret from my parents. They hate him. All my family do. They say he is a waste of space and I'm to stay well clear of him. He's not to go near my daughter or ever step foot in my house. (Quite controlling) They have said that if that happens then they no longer want anything to do with me. They still want to see their granddaughter but don't want to know me all because of him. This isn't the first time they have reacted like this against one of my boyfriends but this reaction was the strongest by far. Iv asked out friends, who know of him and his past, and they've all said they thought we would end up together because we are good together. If our friends can see that then why can't my parents? I know they worry for my daughter but I would never put her in any danger. I just don't know what to do. I want the best of both worlds. To have my boyfriend and still have my family. But I can see them giving me an ultimatum. Them or him. And I really don't want to have to make that decision. Talking to them seems pointless as they've made up their minds about him so what's the next step?? <br>Some advise please :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-15994288368174903082014-04-02T15:30:46.947-06:002014-04-02T15:30:46.947-06:00You said it yourself: "It's my life and i...You said it yourself: "It's my life and if I'm happy to stay with him as we do have a lot of good times together and we have been together a year now, then that's up to me."<br><br>It is up to you. I know you will make the right choice.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-14273930851614808132014-04-02T04:54:18.698-06:002014-04-02T04:54:18.698-06:00Dear mom,I'm really stuck on what to do at the...Dear mom,<br>I'm really stuck on what to do at the moment. me and my mum have been like best friends my whole life. Im 23 and my partners 24 and we live together. me and him had a row the other day. basically he got home from work, started snacking, then i was cooking for him, was close to being done and had no room in the kitchen and he was trying to make scrambled eggs where i was cooking. i told him no, took the pan and went to put it away and he started ranting at me and in the end threw the egg he was holding at the wall and it covered me. i was very angry and upset at him, as we argue frequently anyway and i saw no reason for this behaviour, but i forgave him. he also has aspergers and he was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and i think he still has an aspect of that, but i want to learn ways to cope with that. he also rides a motorbike and the other day went far to fast with me on it (he always goes fast, but this was like 120mph) anyway i was abit upset talking to my mum over an unpaid bill i needed to sort from my old house, and i blurted out the stuff with the egg and the riding to fast, she said dont worry, i need to get it off my chest from time to time and she wont treat him any different. that was two days ago. i spoke to her on the phone this morning and she was saying she needs to take photos of some bad decorating thats been done in her building, so i said me and him will pop up later with his camera and get some pictures. and she said she doesn't think she wants him round her. i reminded her that she promised she wouldnt treat him any different and she started telling me how is she supposed to react and he has ''no regard for her daughters life riding like that and treating her like that''. the phone call got more intense and i told her dont be making me choose between her and him and she said ''im not getting ill for some kid again'' (this was because she did the same thing to my brother because she didnt approve of his girlfriend, i didnt like his girlfriend because she was controlling, refused to work and had hit him, but id rather have him talking to me than not at all so i know hes ok. my mum and brother didnt speak for about 4 years and he cut me out too because of how my mum was). i dont know what to do or say, i feel bad telling my boyfriend my mum hates you because i blabbed about you, i wish i hadnt said anything but it just came out. i dont want to loose contact with her, but i feel that its my life and if im happy to stay with him as we do have alot of good times together and we have been together a year now, then thats up to me? also my mum was with an abusive partner when i was younger that she kept going back to and put me and my brother through hell with that. she thinks im doing the same now but im aware of the signs, dont take any crap and am happy to leave if he ever lashed out at me. i had to accept her boyfriend back time and time again, she needs to do that for me. please some advice, thankyouAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-64239233648845161442014-02-05T10:42:45.549-07:002014-02-05T10:42:45.549-07:00Dear Trapped in the Middle,You do feel trapped, do...Dear Trapped in the Middle,<br><br>You do feel trapped, don't you? When a person feels trapped it's because they are trying to please both sides.<br><br>First, Make a decision. Whose side are you on? You are 26 and obviously love this man. The fact that he has children and that he is twice your age doesn't seem to bother you.<br><br>Sounds to me like the choice is yours. If you decide to marry him, do it knowing that a new life awaits you, and it may just not include your parents. If you decide to let him go, and stick with the feelings of your family, consider what you'd be missing.<br><br>In the end it really is about what you want for your life. I wish you happiness.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-17533367748142833032014-02-05T06:14:02.098-07:002014-02-05T06:14:02.098-07:00Dear mom, I am 26 and my bf is 43. I dont mind abt...Dear mom, <br>I am 26 and my bf is 43. I dont mind abt the age diff at all. Hes bn divorced for the past 14yrs n he has 5 kids frm tht marriage. That too is not a problem to me. I have met his kids n thy like me. Thy actually have been telling him to get married. We ve dated for one year now. <br><br>However, my biggest problem are my parents. They dont approve of him at all because of all his baggage. They think that he will marry me and i will end up like his first wife. I have tried to tell him it was the wife who left him but they dont want to hear abt him.<br><br>They even said that if i want to go get married i can but they will never welcome him to our home and they will never accept anything from him.<br><br>I feel so hurt and feel so much hatred for them.<br><br>What annoyed me more is they said that am getting marrie to a family of fools!!!! I never believed that. I dont know what made them say that because they dont know this guys family. <br><br>They also said that i should not get married to him because people will talk about their daughter. To them, my happiness doesnt count but they are worried of what other people will say.<br><br>I dont know what to do because i Love this man n he Loves me so so much. But my parents words have made me so angry to a point that i dont want to talk to them. His parents dont believe why they should say such stuff lAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-39316966901671357352013-10-09T09:21:19.068-06:002013-10-09T09:21:19.068-06:00Marrissa,Actually, your grandmother seems pretty s...Marrissa,<br><br>Actually, your grandmother seems pretty supporting despite her concerns. I think the decision needs to be yours. She might have to "smile and bite her tongue" if you choose to marry him, but I think she'll support you, even if she doesn't one hundred percent like the situation.<br><br>Be happy that she at least is open to hearing you out. That she's honest with you about her feelings, and wants you to make a good choice.<br><br>Whether or not she is completely with you isn't her problem, it's yours. Do you love this man? Can you be a mother to a daughter who isn't yours? Consider the man's age when he's much older...<br><br>The bottom line is that you need to make the decision, no matter what your grandmother or anyone else thinks. Take their concerns to heart and then make your choice.<br><br>I wish you happiness.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-6580468700687610072013-10-09T07:33:49.402-06:002013-10-09T07:33:49.402-06:00Hi mom, I see that you haven't responded to ...Hi mom,<br> I see that you haven't responded to any comments lately but I'm hoping that you can help me with a situation that I am in.<br><br>I'll start from the beginning. I have lived with my grandparents since I was 10 months old. My mom gave me up and had had nothing to do with my life. My dad was a drunk and died when I was 16. I have my bachelor's and my masters degree and I'm only 23.<br><br>My boyfriend and I met over a year ago and just recently started dating. When I told my gram about him, it was the moat honest I have ever been with her about a guy. I told her that he was 37, was married and divorced, and was going through chemo for hemocromatosis. Immediately my gram hated him because of the age difference but it seemed as if the more I saw him, the more she was accepting of him. Johnny met my grandmother for the first time at my masters ceremony where they seemed to have hit it off. I was so thrilled that regardless of the age difference my gram seemed to really like this guy<br><br>Then I dropped the biggest bombshell on her. When I first told her about my boyfriend, she asked I'd he had any kids. I said if he does I haven't met them yet..which wasn't the truth. So when I told her about a month later, after mg boyfriend and I got into a fight about me keeping his daughter from my grandmother sue nearly had a heart attack. <br><br>She ripped me a new on saying and I quote "another strike against johnny". She said "hrs sick...been married and divorced....he's older than you and now he has a kid. How much more is it going to take for you to get a clue". <br><br>I was crushed. What's worse I was honest with johnny about everything she had said. He assured me that he wasn't going anywhere which tom a huge weight off my shoulders. <br><br>Another fight later my gram was being open and honest about things and she said to me "it's not that indont like johnny. Its just that ili don't approve of him".<br><br>She keeps telling me that she has given her opinion and that it's my decision andbif johnny and I were to get married that she would smile ans bite her tongue. <br><br>I dont know what to do. On the one hand I know that this disapproval stems from when my mom and dad were married and they were 17 years apart. But on the other hand she contradicts herself because she always tells me that as long as a guy treats me right and makes me happy then she's happy. I refuse tk give up my happiness to make her happy nut it seems as if I don't I'm going to be put through hell because of it. <br><br>Your advice is greatly appreciated<br><br>MarrissaMarrissa Fedorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00638799119917854577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-27638228391786703812013-08-05T13:08:29.740-06:002013-08-05T13:08:29.740-06:00Dear losing,A couple of things strike me about you...Dear losing,<br><br>A couple of things strike me about your letter. First, that there is a religious clash, and second, that you count on your boyfriend to help you because you don't drive. I'm also concerned that you don't have a job, aren't seeing college as an option, and that your mother is getting a divorce. These are all heavy issues and may play into the feelings of your mother and grandmother. <br><br>You are never going to dissuade those you love about the feelings they have; all you can do is be honest about your relationship and make good choices for yourself. There will continue to be tension so long as the feelings remain the same, and the only way they will change (for any of you) is if you keep the communication open.<br><br>They may never like him, even after doing all you can to share how you feel about him. In the end, the reality is that you'll have to make a decision for yourself. What do you really want? This is your future we're speaking about. Weigh the pros and cons and make a decision. <br><br>MomKathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-87955150171247531512013-08-04T00:05:39.324-06:002013-08-04T00:05:39.324-06:00Dear Mom, Right off the bat I'm going to s...Dear Mom, <br> Right off the bat I'm going to say that the biggest problem my parents had with my boyfriend was the age gap. He's 22 and I'm 18. I've always been mature for my age, none of my previous boyfriends except one ever really connected with me on a more mature level and the one that did broke up with me 9 months ago. The man I'm with now I've been dating for 8 months...I've known him for two years now but neither of us had really been interested in each other because we both were in relationships and didn't think about the possibility of "us" at the time. Long story short, its been 8 months and my parents want nothing to do with him. They admit that he's not all that bad but they hated the fact that someone his age would be interested in me...they told me it meant that he must be a pervert and just wants to get in my pants or that he must be immature. He is neither of those things. I'll admit that both he and I like to act immature and joke around a lot but we can be serious if we have to, we're just happy, playful people. After all this time, we still haven't had sex though the want is there on both our ends. Neither of us are virgins but we both regret that fact. We've both become rather religious through the past few years by ourselves which is why we met in the first place. My mother, who is a wannabe Wiccan, dislikes that he takes me to church on Sundays, which is really the only time I see him anymore since my family wants me to stay away from him. Another reason they tell me they don't like him is because he doesn't have a full time job. No, he doesn't, he's currently working part time as a temp for a factory while he's not at college. He only goes to college part time because for financial reasons though he'd gladly go full time if he were able. He works on his off hours at a cafe during the school year so my parents can't say he's lazy or unmotivated, he's doing the best he can with what he's been given. My parents have this fantastical image in their head that he should be going full time to college while holding a full time job and keeping up with a relationship and his own family who he has to help take care of. Its not possible but nothing I say will dissuade them from their stubborn beliefs. It hurts so much that he tries his best to be the man they want me to marry but nothing he does is good enough. I'm very dependant on them and I think that might be a lot of their problem...I graduated a few months ago but I have no drivers license, no job, and no college planned out. My mothers been going through a divorce so I have to watch my little brothers since we live at my grandmothers and she works from home. No one has tried to help me drive except my boyfriend but with as little as I see him, he can only do so much. Getting a job without my licence is near impossible and I have no money for college and no way to go about getting loans and such on my own. I can see why they'd be worried about me being with an independent man but they never use that as an excuse...and honestly, he's done more for me than they have lately. I guess I just want to know what I could do to ease things between my parents (being my mother and grandma) and him. The tension in the room whenever I want to go out with him or even just bring him up in conversation just kills me.<br>-Losing HopeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-25830046067161487962013-08-02T10:59:25.840-06:002013-08-02T10:59:25.840-06:00Thanks for responding. The only way for your paren...Thanks for responding. The only way for your parents to see the real man you are dating is to bring him home. Prepare them in advance, but bring him home. See how it goes. <br><br>I never recommend lying. It doesn't help relationships, and it won't help the relationship with your parents to keep him a secret.<br><br>After doing your best, the choice is still yours. If your parents remain stubborn about their feelings, you need to make a decision. Are you going to ease their concerns by letting him go, or will you continue to see him?<br><br>It may be that he never comes with you when you're at your parent's house. It may be that you don't discuss him around their presence. But the end decision is yours. I wish you well.Kathryn Elizabeth Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06356432638093994278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977066611335474346.post-14187036980629012542013-08-02T09:34:31.115-06:002013-08-02T09:34:31.115-06:00Religion/race has nothing to do with it. He has ha...Religion/race has nothing to do with it. He has had a few jobs, but we're only sophomores in college. He's a music major and I'm majoring in landscape architecture. We both go to really good schools, and he's really driven and actually achieving a lot with his music (writing for film scores, organizing festivals). <br><br>I don't know how they think he treats me, because they never really got to know him. I felt uncomfortable bringing him to my house, because of they way they treated him. They rarely saw us together before, and now they don't at all.girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17291526945046690509noreply@blogger.com