No money for Christmas

Dear Mom:

Now that the semester is almost over, I have been thinking more about Christmas. The problem? I have little money to spend on my friends and family. I want the gifts to look cool, not cheap. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Penny Pinched


Dear Pinched:

Here's my take on cheap Christmas gifts that don't necessarily look it.

1. Think before you buy. Make a list. You will spend your small wad very quickly without one. Call this material hunger-sort of like going to the grocery store when your belly is crying out for food. Your Christmas list will help you curb the spending you might otherwise do without one.

2. Take the list wherever you go so that you can pull it out and remember your plan. Often I find the most creative items when I'm not looking for them. Without the list, you will be scrambling to remember if this gift will go along with your initial idea.

3. Get Creative. Every Christmas I shop at thrift stores for baskets to hold theme gifts. And every year my loved ones are thrilled about the thought and energy that it must have taken me to put it together. They don't need to know how much it cost me, and it shouldn't matter anyhow. A themed gift for the "cook" in my family can drum up many wonderful things such as a cookbook from Barnes & Noble (I get these on the discount racks right within the store) and the Dollar Store (I have also found some pretty neat utensils at a buck a piece).

4. Think Smart. If you are stressed for time, don't run, thinking you will find all the items on your list in one or two hours. Plan your day. Allow for an enjoyable experience, which goes without saying, don't do all of your shopping on Christmas Eve.

5. Shop with a friend who is budget conscious and/or take only cash, and when the money is gone, it's gone. When I write my list I also include a budget amount for each person. If I spend too much on one person, I am obviously left with less for another. I find it's usually best to stick to my original plan. Friendships are great motivators in sticking to your budget. A good budget conscious friend can persuade you to put the item on hold until your check with other stores to find the cheapest price, or to put the "horrible" gift idea back on the shelf. There is nothing worse than taking a gift back during the holidays that initially appeared "wonderful."

Good luck! And Merry Christmas!

Mom

This is my last semester at SLCC and I'm getting "trunky."

Dear Mom:

This is my last semester at SLCC and I'm getting "trunky." I don't have as much interest in my homework and I'm dreading finals. I just want it to be over.

Sincerely,

Dragging my Heels



Dear Dragging:

Keep your chin up and keep walking. The last few weeks of any semester are never "joyous" especially the last one when you can finally see that old light at the end of the tunnel and hate the fact that you're still "in school." Just so you know, I'm here with you and I've had struggles of my own these last few weeks.

It is easy to start thinking, I've done pretty well the last few months, how could missing a few assignments hurt me? Or, I really don't need to go to class. I've gone all this time; what could missing a couple hurt?

Plenty. If nothing else keep going because you'll be able to take a better look at yourself later, you know, for not giving up and coming to the end of that grand old race. That's what I'm doing.

One of the things I have focused on is taking time out between assignments to clear my head and to have that well needed break. Another thing I have done is to cram all homework and study into one sitting; rewarding myself after all is said and done with a special treat-chocolate works fine at my house. I have also experimented with doing the worst homework first, ending with the best one from the stack. I have also joined with other students this semester who are feeling a bit more motivated than I am. Together, we get things done.

Whatever you decide to do, don't give up, the last leg of the race is at hand.
I will never forget what I heard Tim Allen say in one of his best movies-in my opinion. "Never give up; never surrender." The line is from "Galaxy Quest," though I have heard that the saying came originally from Winston Churchill. When I looked it up, however, this is what I found.

"We shall not flag nor fail, we shall go to the end; We shall never surrender" (Winston Churchill, Speech before Commons, 1940).
Similar language. Still, the message is clear, don't you think? Going to the end is a grand thing, something not to be missed.

Until graduation,

Mom

Ask Mom... Holiday Pickle?

Dear Mom,

My parents and in-laws have invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner. We want to spend time with both families. What should we do?

Sincerely,
Hungry for Fairness


Dear Hungry,

This is a dilemma I've had to deal with personally, probably the same dilemma most of us married folk have had to deal with. How do you balance out the holidays with two sets of parents? In this case, we're talking about turkey, stuffing and that infamous sweet potato. Then comes Christmas.

Used to be I could hardly think about it. Every year it was the same. The house we didn't go to for dinner would be disappointed at the very least. Sure, they would say they understood, but I could see the sadness in their puppy eyes. I wasn't stupid, you know.

Then my husband came up with this ingenious idea. We would go to both houses! Stuff ourselves sill and really enjoy the day! Unfortunately, both families planned the meal around the same time so going to both proved difficult.

We decided on another strategy - Thanksgiving Day swapping. The first year was the most difficult, of course. We went to my parent's home as I remember, and spent most of the day with them. The evening was spent at my in-laws' eating pie. The following year, we went to my husband's parent's home for dinner and came over to my home-away-from home for dessert.

For the most part this strategy has proved successful. However, there have been some years that we have forgotten whose house for dinner is on the agenda. Fortunately, the correct set of parents has informed us that it's "their turn."

As our children have grown older, there have been times we haven't gone to either house, preferring to have dinner at our own home or at the home of one of our children. This has meant we have had to get back on track with our parents and in-laws; no easy task.

In the long-run though, our parents from both sides have appreciated the swapping arrangement. Sure, they don't get us for dinner every year, but they do at lest get us for desert.

Mom

Would it be a good idea to take a "blind date" to a steak house?

Dear Mom:

Would it be a good idea to take a "blind date" to a steak house?

Sincerely,

Stuck


Dear Stuck:

When I first read your question, I thought, "Well, sure. I like steak, and most girls I know like a good meal. Why not?" A short but sweet answer.

While discussing this question with my husband, however, he quickly reminded me that questions aren't always asked at face value, and neither should they be answered that way. "What he's really asking," he said, "is if he should spend money on a girl he has never before set eyes on. Steak houses are not cheap," my husband continued. "By the time you're done with the steak, potatoes, dessert and drinks, you are looking at a nice fifty bucks."

Well, I knew that was right, at least subconsciously. I'd been on plenty of dates since I'd married my husband, a good percentage of them at steak houses, and we'd never gotten out of the place under anything less than forty and that was probably because we'd ordered water with our meal.

"You're probably right," I said. I don't like to admit when my husband is right, not even "probably" right, but this time, dare I say it, he was.

I started to think about the first dates my husband and I experienced before we married-a movie, a day at the zoo, a dance at the church house; and then my mind wandered to the sometimes less than desirable kind-those blind dates that quickly turned to chaos.
Here's one: This guy, I can't even remember his name, took me out on a date to Lagoon.

Remember this was a blind date. Expensive in its own right, but I haven't gotten to the good part. I wasn't even sure I liked him yet and he was taking me on all the "dark" and/or "smushy" rides. You know the ones.

What they used to call the "Wild Mouse," and those dark and stupid ones like "The Terror Ride," which they amazingly still have. I didn't even know I liked him but he kept reaching for me like the Grim Reaper. I was more than happy to come home and leave him for good, okay, even after all that money he'd spent on me.

Was the money wasted?

You bet it was. The guy was a creep. In about an hour I saw that guy for what he was and wanted nothing to do with him.

This brings me back to your question. Why spend an evening at an expensive steak house with someone you have no idea about? Okay, other than what the person who lined you two up, told you?

Better to go to a doughnut shop, hang out for a bit. Talk. You know. Guaranteed, in about an hour, maybe even less, you will know if you're interested. And then what are you out? A few bucks? An hour or two?
A lot easier to swallow, don't you think?

Love,

Mom

How do I get my kids to go to bed and stay there?

Dear Mom:

How do I get my kids to go to bed and stay there?

Sincerely,

Lost in the Quagmire


Dear Lost:

You didn't tell me if your children are up to the same old tricks; the glass of water, numerous trips to the bathroom, never being satisfied with one story, but I have a feeling these tricks are being played to their fullest, otherwise your children would be in bed-asleep.

You may even be dealing with the dreaded television monster. "But the movie doesn't end until later" sort of excuse. My oldest daughter has resorted to using "the monster" to get her children to stay in bed. Yes, the television is in her children's room. She plays "Finding Nemo" or "Cinderella" or something else equally entertaining to her children, and usually by nine they are out. She says she was tired of their old tricks and decided that movies were the only way they were able to relax and go to sleep.

Other mothers and fathers have resorted to horseback rides to the bedroom, even personal songs they have made up themselves to coax their children to sleep, while others use a tape or CD version of their children's favorite songs played only at bedtime. And then there are the joke parents, who tell their children funnies before retiring or the story parents who tell their children a story about their personal past-something kids love and always like, say the experts. Then there are the bath parents, who use warm water, perhaps with bubbles, to sooth the muscles of their children before they put them in bed and the special goodnight kiss and hug ritual begins.
Though some parents have resorted to lying down with their children before they go to sleep, 33 percent said one Parent Center survey, others, 23 percent; say they merely get upset with their children and have no idea what to do. Four percent "revoke privileges" while another 7 percent, "put up a gate or lock" on their child's door. Only 5 percent out of the 23,298 surveyed admit they "give up and let [their child] stay up late," while 19 percent have the courage to take their child back to bed "as many times as it takes," leaving 5 percent who extend "other" techniques when their "child refuses to go to bed" (www.parentcenter.com).

What does this say to you?

What I see is less than 20 percent of parents following through with a bedtime ritual.
The greatest thing we can do for our children is to develop a fun routine with them, say the experts; a routine parents and children have set up together. Every night bedtime is the same. The time is the same, the routine is the same; whether the routine includes a horsy ride to bed and a bedtime song or the infamous story read-perhaps in a squeaky voice for effect.

Whatever you decide to do, don't cave in to any excuses your child gives you, including tears when the time has come. Take your children back to bed and keep taking them back to bed every time they get up. Don't give up. In time, your children will see you not only mean business, but will look forward to what used to be the most dreaded of all times!

Happy bedtime!

Mom

Why is lint blue?

Dear Mom:

Do you take less than serious questions? Well, I have one. Why is lint blue? No matter what color I am wearing I get blue lint, even when I'm wearing red.

Sincerely,

Blue Lint Hanging On Me


Dear Blue,

Your question made me laugh and then I had a thought. Thoughts come to me every now and again. It was almost like I was hearing the question, "Why is the sky blue?" all over again. I decided to look it up.

What I found was a course on belly button lint.

Seems there was a man by the name of Dr. Kruszelnicki who was awarded the Ig Nobel Prize for his research in 2002 regarding belly button lint. For those of you who don't know, as I didn't, what the Ig Nobel Prize is, let me tell you.

Each year in the fall ten winners are announced for their parody in areas of science that at "first make people laugh, and then make them think" (http://enwikipedia.org).

Such was the case with belly button lint and Dr. Kruszelnicki.

Kruszelnicki discovered some fascinating things about belly button lint, such as the "existence of navel lint [being] entirely harmless, and requir[ing] no corrective action," but perhaps more importantly, that the "navel lint's characteristic blue tint is due to the existence of blue fibres in clothing."

Another source revealed that the color of lint in your navel had to do with the color you were wearing, suggesting that if you wear blue clothes you will have blue lint.

Not a likely concept however, if you are getting blue lint from a red sweater, for example.

Still, this same source suggests that "if you wear lots of different [colors] then the lint collected is a kind of blue grey rather like the stuff you find in your clothes dryer" (http://www.silkhouse.co.uk).

I couldn't help it. I started to ponder my dryer lint. Most of the time, yes, it was a sort of blue gray but occasionally, very occasionally it was pink. So what was up with that?

This brought me to Graham Barker who is the record holder in the Guinness Book of Records since 1984 for the collection of the most belly button lint.

Barker never collects blue in his button, but "a particular shade of red," though he rarely wears the color.

What's up with that?

No one seems to know. I even checked one site where the person's belly button lint was discovered in almost all the colors of the rainbow!

But I'm taking you a bit off track. You asked about blue lint, and not the lint in belly buttons, I am guessing, but the lint found on your favorite red sweater, for example.

I say the answer is the same. Whether the lint goes in your button or on your sweater's sleeve, the color will more than likely be blue for the "blue fibre" reason stated above.

If it's not, you might want to check with Graham Barker.

Mom

My parents hate my boyfriend.

Dear Mom,

My parents hate my boyfriend. Whenever he comes over my mom gives him the third degree; you know, how's the job, the grades, your life? My dad does the same thing, only he's a lot quieter and likes to glare at him. I feel as if they don't think he's good enough for me or something. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Bothered


Dear Bothered,

You might be right about your boyfriend not being good enough for you in the eyes of your parents. This fact rings especially true if you are the oldest child. And it doesn't help that you're a girl.

Parents tend to be more overprotective with their oldest child. And for some reason, being a girl only makes the matter worse. It took me having a second and third girl to mellow a bit and realize that my strict behavior with my first often shut the door to potential conversations both with her and those whom she dated.

That said, your parents want to know about your boyfriend so they will feel more secure about you dating him. If something creeps up in a conversation-he says something like, "I hate my job, it sucks," your parents may be inclined to ask even more questions on this subject because they are wondering how motivated your boyfriend is. If you become real serious, the last thing they want for their daughter is for her to be hooked up with some "loser" who can't hold a job.

This is not to say, however, that your boyfriend's job always needs to be exciting and that he always have to "like it," but your parents, whether you are their first-born or their third, are going to be concerned about someone who "appears" to lack motivation.

Another problem may arise with parents who see a huge age gap between you and your boyfriend. If this is the case with you, be assured that this would give your parents cause to worry. Say you are 20, just beginning college, and your boyfriend is 27. Seven years is a big gap, not only in levels of maturity but interests and attitude. And let's say your boyfriend is considering dropping out of college because "book work" just isn't for him.

Does this make him a loser?

Of course not. But it might be something you'll want to take a look at.

It may be that your parents don't like your boyfriend because he reminds them of someone else, maybe someone they dated whom they consider a mistake. They see similarities between the choice you are currently making, and the choice they made. They don't want you to go through what they had to go through. They are trying to protect you.

Take a look at their concerns. Talk to them. Express your feelings and don't leave your boyfriend out of the loop. He needs to be involved in understanding where your parents are coming from. They also need to understand his feelings.

You can be the catalyst for change. Invite your boyfriend to dinner. Invite him to join in some of your family activities. Talk to your parents about your concerns regarding their treatment of your boyfriend. Perhaps they like him after all-surprise! They are merely interested in learning more about him. But whatever the case, be respectful of your parents' views and in-turn, their hearts may soften.

If not, you will know you have done all you can. Though it's nice to have the support, it feels nice when your parents are positive about your choices in life, in the end, the decision of who you choose to spend your time with is yours.

Mom