Wednesday, June 10, 2009

How do you remove the romance, but keep the friendship?

Dear Mom:

How do you get rid of a guy you've been dating and still remain friends?

Sincerely,

Want to move on


Dear Want:

What you want is to separate yourself from someone who has been a part of your life in a romantic way and go back to the friendship stage as if the romance never happened. You want to go back to the way things were before the romance. You want to wipe out all the time you have spent together and pretend all you have is a friendship when you know there has been more. This emotional connection is a very real thing and cannot be severed because you desire it to be; just like getting rid of a guy and still remaining friends cannot occur simply because you want it.

Sounds like the guy still like's you; if not, you wouldn't have to get rid of him. I would suggest that you speak to him (and not over the phone; in person); share your feelings about where the relationship has gone and why you would rather remain friends. This won't be easy. He may still try to keep you, believing he still has a chance. He may even think that friendship is out of the question.

Put yourself in his shoes. He still likes you. How can he stick around when he feels the way he does? How can he pretend to be friends when what he wants is your friendship mixed in with what he had before?

After talking with him, he may have something to say to you. You may not like to hear it but listen anyway. He may be understanding on the outside but boiling on the inside. You might find out later that he wants nothing to do with you. You might know right away how he feels. He might leave angry. But whatever the case, give him some time to cool off. Don't call him, don't do anything. Wait. When you see him, be polite. If he calls you, listen. Stand your ground. If he wants to get back together and you still want a friendship, hold your ground. In time he might feel differently about the friendship you have offered. If not, you need to be prepared to live with his choice.

Sincerely,
Mom
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